Perhaps I am most grateful for coming to this understanding about forgiveness. Forgiveness is not something that we do for other people. And an apology is not something that is required to forgive. Not only that, but it is not even required that the offending party acknowledge that an offense exists.
As a child and young adult, I recall several occasions where I had this strong need or desire to receive an apology for something I perceived as a wrong against me. I’m thankful to know better today.
As I type this, even now that I know this aspect of forgiveness, I am struggling to truly let go of a lingering need to receive an apology for something that happened over two years ago (2011). I don’t believe it bothers me on a daily waking basis. But it does bother me when I remember and think about it. I think because I shut off all emotion associated with this person without really going through the pain. There were some fairly unusual circumstances with the situation that caused me to shut off all emotion surrounding her.
Sadly, this online dream journal of mine has suffered, as well as the one on my night stand. Because many times when I would pick up my dream journal, I would remember the hurtful words coming from her mouth. So instead, I just didn’t think about the dream journal.
So, I’m allowing myself to remember this pain. I firmly declare that I will remember this perceived wrong so that I can forgive. And so that the next time I remember this person, I will not remember the perceived offense as a first memory.
I will remember that this person is beautiful inside and out. I will remember that this person is a human being, with all the flaws and imperfections that go with being human. Just like me.